Maybe…

Maybe when my pdoc told me I should read some books on BPD, she told me not to read academic books for a reason.

Stupid me, of course I go right for my uni library and start pulling books from the shelves.  I look forward to being pigeon holed into the category of incurable,  trouble some,  intentionally difficult,  and just a bad person who needs to snap out of it.

It’s not that I thought people with Pds were bad – I’ve met a few (in hospital) that were quite nice.  I just try so hard to be good and helpful … a lot of the characterization makes me feel sad.

It’s also such a chronic thing, and something that isn’t supposed to respond to medications. At least if I had what was considered a worse mental illness, it would be seen as not my fault by people, i.e. schizophrenia.  However, with  this I feel like the whole world is telling me to suck it up and to stop being such a pussy.

Sorry if I offend…I’m just trying to come to grips with this all.

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